Following Thursday night time’s presidential debate, wherein Joe Biden and Donald Trump confronted off for the primary time since 2020, Jon Stewart broadcasted stay from the Day by day Present desk. And the late-night host didn’t mince phrases concerning the grim image painted by each candidates’ performances.
Upon seeing 78-year-old Trump and 81-year-old Biden stroll onstage, Stewart mentioned he wanted “to name an actual property agent in New Zealand.” He then cycled by clips of the candidates’ largest missteps.
When Biden seemingly mistook saving Medicare with beating it, Stewart leveled the digital camera with a dismayed look. “Okay, a high-pressure scenario,” he started. “Plenty of occasions, you possibly can confuse saving Medicare with beating it. I’m positive it’s not one thing that repeated all through the controversy, inflicting Democrats throughout the nation to both leap out of home windows or vomit silently into the closest recycling bin. Anyone can fuck up…speaking. Lots of people have resting twenty fifth modification face.” Stewart quickly conceded, “I’m not a political knowledgeable, however whereas Biden was making ready at Camp David—for every week—did anybody point out he would even be on digital camera?”
His frustration escalated when Biden bungled a query in regards to the overturning of Roe v. Wade, a regulation which the president later tweeted, “If I’m re-elected, I’m going to revive.” When Trump used the second to his benefit, Stewart requested, “So how can we do that now? Do I take [Trump’s] automobile again to the White Home tonight?”
However the Republican candidate was not secure from Stewart’s wrath, both. “Simply so we’re all clear: Every little thing that Donald Trump mentioned in that clip is a lie,” he mentioned after enjoying a montage of a number of of Trump’s claims. “Blatant and full. And we have been tight on time placing this shit collectively. There’s lots extra. Actually makes you marvel: What’s RFK Jr. doing tonight?”
A defeated-looking Stewart concluded that after tonight’s debate, “each of those males must be utilizing performance-enhancing medicine, as a lot of it as they’ll get, as many occasions a day as their our bodies will enable.” He continued, “If performance-enhancing medicine will enhance their lucidity, their potential to unravel issues—and in one of many candidate’s circumstances, enhance their truthfulness, morality, and malignant narcissism—then suppository away.”
On the very least, Stewart—who will subsequent go stay with The Day by day Present after the September 10 debate rematch—added, “if there aren’t truly performance-enhancing medicine for these candidates, I might positive fucking use some leisure ones proper now. As a result of this can’t be actual life. It simply can’t. Fuck, we’re America!”
